WELCOME TO THE MUMMY LIFE...

Hmmmm there are some things that nobody tells you about childbirth, being a first time mum and parenting, probably because they will scare the heck out of expecting mums. For example, nobody told me that breastfeeding will be so painnnnful..Geez!! I remember the first few days, I cried my eyes out and my mum would scold me for crying. Apparently Nigerian tradition forbids one from crying whilst breastfeeding a baby because the food wouldn’t digest properly or something like that Naija mysteries lol. I had sores all over my ni**les and found it very painful to breastfeed. My mum kept telling me I had to endure the pain and that it would only last a couple of days/weeks and its gone… well that was true because after the first 2 weeks of breastfeeding, I learnt how to properly position my baby and he was able to suckle properly without causing me pain or injury.  

Talk about sleepless night *sobs*... looking back, I’m not sure how I was able to cope with only 3 to 4 hours of sleep at night. How come babies reverse day and night time?? I guess there’s nothing like 'time of day’ in heaven because there has to be an explanation for this kind of inconsiderate behaviour lol. Ahhnnn why will you sleep all through the day and be awake all night? Even if you decide to stay awake, why must you disturb your dear mummy? Hahaha All these questions for an infant abi? Lol

Also who knew that circumcising a male child will cause the mother more pain that the child?  I cried more than my son when he was being circumcised. The circumcision was done in a Jewish center (I was told hospitals in the UK do not perform circumcision). We booked the appointment in the first week of my son’s birth and were given an appointment to come when he was 10 days old. The whole process didn’t take up to 10 minutes but I couldn’t stop myself from crying.

Shopping!!!! No one told me that I would forget about my needs and only concentrate on the needs of my child. I remember that I did not buy a single dress for myself after my son was born, all my attention and finances were dedicated to my son. I totally forgot I was going back to work and I couldn’t fit in any of my old work clothes, however my son had boxes of new clothes waiting for him to grow into. I remember my first day back at work, I decided to wear a body shaper to work. After I settled in my desk, I realised I could breathe properly I was literally gasping for air. I just respected myself, went into the restroom and took the body shaper off. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t zip up my dress afterwards because the shaper took a few inches off me which had automatically resurfaced...Talk about deceit Lol. I had to wear my jacket all through the day in the pretence that the air in my office was too much for me. Hahahaha Naija Scopes

First day of baby day care nko…I called the day care about a zillion times lol. The receptionist was very pleasant as I called every 20 minutes lol. Despite paying a whopping £980 monthly for day care, I just didn’t feel like they would pay him the much needed attention because they had other children to look after. Hehe so in my mind if I call them every 20 minutes they would be forced to go check up on him and tell me whats he’s doing at that particular moment … Talk about mummy drama!!! Lol

My boss was really understanding because he allowed me to resume work 30 mins early, have half an hour lunch break and then be able to leave an hour before close of work. I had to pick up my son at 6pm and my normal closing time was 6pm, it was humanly impossible for me to be able to meet that timing so I had to ask for special consideration given my circumstance. So I would leave the office at 5pm and would get to the day care center a few minutes to 6pm. Talk about being a superwoman as I had little or no sleep, plus office work, plus mummy duties Phewww!

All the strain I thought I was going through did not take the pregnancy weight off me…Arghh What was going on here?? After all the stress from work, sleepless nights etc I was still carrying my pregnancy weight about. Sigh! I then decided to ditch using the bus and walk 1 hour to and from work every day. That was the only form of exercise I was doing as apparently house chores don’t count as exercise Sigh!. Finally, I was able to get a few kgs off with my daily 2 hours walk which gradually reduced to almost half the time when I became fitter and able to do same distance within a shorter time frame.

In all of these, I would not trade my experiences for anything. Ladies, tell us some experiences you had which you weren’t forewarned before you had your little ones…

LET'S TALK ABOUT LABOUR!!!

My mum came to stay with me a month before my EDD because I was so sure I was going to have an early birth however my son thought otherwise. I was 9 days overdue!!! I prayed for labour to come, I cried, Oh ‘My Gosh!! I was so uncomfortable. I had my son on the day that I was scheduled to be induced.

I won’t lie I was a very lazy preggy lady lol... When my pregnancy started showing, I had to quit my job at the bank and move cities because I was too embarrassed about what people who knew me would say. Only my very close friends (3 wonderful friends who you would get to meet later on in the series) knew about my pregnancy. I just carried my load to another city and told other friends and acquaintances that I had gotten a new job yeah job as a jobless lazy pregnant girl. 

So I had saved enough to pay for 6 months in my new place and I had a few hundreds left to sustain me until I die of hunger lol.  I couldn't dare ask my dad for any sort of financial assistance even though I knew he would give me. I was too ashamed to even think towards that direction. Gee was helpful as I moved to his city so we were in close proximity. He would come every other day, stay for a couple of hours and then go home. Talk about being lonely.

I was too broken to even look for a job, I went for one interview and I think they mentioned that they couldn't take me because I was pregnant at the time, so I just kuku stayed in my house and didn't bother applying for any other job. My routine was SLEEP, EAT, watch TV, MORE SLEEP and EAT!!! I added a tonne of weight and was beginning to look like Gabourey Sidibe in the movie Precious. 

Thank God for mum, when she arrived the first thing she told me was that I had to be active. So we went to the city center every day and walked around for an hour or two before heading back home. If for nothing else she kept me occupied and the loneliness was gone like it was never there. The feeling of love and support from my mum took most of the burden off my shoulders. I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore and I had someone who understood what I was going through and would love me no matter what. What a feeling… I’m actually emotional writing this and it’s been almost four years now.

Fast forward to delivery day… Labour started around 12:30am. My mum was asleep in her room and I didn’t want to wake her up because I wasn’t certain this was the real thing as I had been having Braxton hicks contractions for some weeks. I called Gee to come over and by the time he arrived at 1:30am I was already spotting, so we started timing the contractions. Around 5am I woke my mum up and she said we should head to the hospital without her (my mum has never followed any of her daughters to the hospital during delivery, she was always home doing prayer warrior stunts lol). I had decided have a natural birth without pain relief and opted to have a water birth.  On the way to the hospital I couldn’t believe I was meant to go through a higher degree of pain than what I was already going through, my liver don start to fail o lol.

We got to the hospital around 7am and after examination the nurse told me I was only 1cm dilated and I should go home. I almost fainted! 1cm and this much pain, I just can’t!!! After checking my blood pressure she mentioned that it was a bit on the high side hence she checked me into one of the wards. At that point Gee realised that he needed to sleep and decided to go home, I was livid shebi I’m the one that can’t sleep, I’m a vampire abi mcheeww.  He went home anyways and I had to brace myself for the long painful ride alone in the hospital.

I had read so much about the different types of painkillers and I had told myself that taking an epidural would be the last resort for me. I kept telling myself to hold on for an hour and see if I will consider using my pain-free last resort lol. After six long hours, I asked to be checked and the nurse said I was only 4cm gone… I was like God let this cup pass over me In my mind I was Jesus lol. I asked for a pain relief med and I think she gave me paracetamol, I almost stoned her with it because it doesn’t even help with my normal menstrual pain…Ewooo!! I was seriously considering taking the epidural.

By 4pm, I felt a different type of pain and I asked the nurse to come and check, she was sure I wasn’t more than 5 or 6cm so she wanted to ignore me. I insisted that she checks me which she did reluctantly and I started to see her face turn pink. She exclaimed that said I should have called her before then… See me see wahala o. Apparently I was already about 9cm so they quickly wheeled me to the midwifery section of the labour ward. I opted for water birth but due to the rise in my blood pressure I was advised I couldn’t go that route.

After a few minutes, my water broke by then Gee had returned to the hospital. The pain was excruciating, I opted for ‘gas and air’. That helped a bit because it took my mind away from the pain but then I couldn’t help but wonder why women do this more than once. After about an hour of using the gas and air the midwife checked and said I was fully dialated…Phewww! Thank God… err but what next?

She asked me if I felt like pushing to which I replied No, then she went on to ask if I felt like pooing...in my mind I was like ahhnnn Aunti shebi if I wanted to I’ll do it. Then she asked me to go sit on the toilet that it might make me get the urge to push. Truly, after like 2 mins of I felt like pushing and the first push resulted in the head, then she asked me not to push that she would gently guide the baby out. Gently ke? Does this lady know the kind of pain I’m in? To be honest I couldn’t allow her practice her gentleness on me lol, I just had to push this baby out. At 5:30 pm the third push brought forth my angel, my crown, my beautiful baby boy.

Immediately I saw him, I forgot all the pain I went through. I couldn’t remember the past 18 hours or so. At point I realised why women do this over and over again. The feeling was out of this world. I had come out victorious… I was now a PROUD MUMMY!!!

Ladies.. Time to spill, tell us your labour stories :)

LET’S DO THIS!!!

I had so many thoughts on ways to handle this dilemma. Of course Gee opted for the easiest which was for me to have an abortion which I considered. I booked an appointment to have the procedure done but on the fateful day fear no allow me reach the hospital lol. I knew like I knew my name that this child would bring me happiness and open my eyes to a lot things.

So for me the baby was a keeper, Gee had to get his head around it. Of course I couldn’t tell my parents directly so I had to go through my elder brother, who broke the news to my mum (who was at the time doing omugwo for my elder sister). My mum was heartbroken and she couldn’t even imagine breaking that kind of news to my dad, so we pushed my elder brother forward as per first son of the house hehe… My dad was beyond heartbroken, he took it even harder than my mum. Fortunately for me I was away from home so I was to an extent shielded from experiencing the hurt I had caused to my family.

My dad an Elder in his church and my mum a Deaconess… How will they show their faces in public?  In church? What kind of advice will they be able to give people? Oh No! What have I done??? The reality of the implications began to set in gradually as it took over a month to get my dad to speak to me. He was devastated, beyond broken.

Back here Gee was struggling to break the news to his folks, he finally did and they were livid! I couldn’t understand why they were so upset and I was told I had cheated myself. Nine months later I had my healthy handsome baby boy and thankfully I had my mum around to look after us.

Plans for marriage to Gee crumbled like a stack of cards, a lot of water passed under the bridge and certain experiences (story for another day) led me to make the ultimate decision to end the relationship. Let’s just say I was miserable.

Due to my many experiences, I had to move back to Naija…Hmmm. Where will I even begin? The plenty talks? Our culture? How will I cope? I had to prepare myself mentally, emotionally and physically for the change. All the people who will be willing to offer free unsolicited advice Chei!

I knew I was in for a long ride…

Oh! My Life is Ruined!!!

Life was going on as planned.. Bsc (Check!), Msc (Check!), Relationship (check!) Just started a new job in one of the biggest banks in the world, I was so excited and proud!!! Now my parents can brag to their friends about how their youngest daughter is doing so well in a foreign man's land. I have always been one who took pride in achievements which earned me respect in any form or manner, I even got a promotion just 5 weeks into the job, I was in a good place!

Two months after starting my new job, ME! the one who was supposed to bring pride to my family, the brainy daughter, the first class material  ( errrmm almost lol), the one who was considered proactive.....I was Pregnant!!! Waaohhh!! Talk about disappointment of the century, I was only 23. I wasn't even sure which disappointment ranked higher for me... Disappointment to my family, Church (I was a worker in church), friends or colleagues ...Chai! 

How would I face life, my family, friends ... Me that my mouth was quick to yab people, I will become the 'yabee'...The gossip??? I couldn't even start to think of the kinds of things that would come out of people's mouths... Is she stupid? Is she a child? Is she a learner? when she was doing it she didn't know abi? 

My only consolation was that my boyfriend of 8 years (who I will call Gee on this blog) will stand by me through thick and thin Or so i thought. 

This was the genesis of my chronicles ... Where do i run to? Am i ready for this kind of responsibility? Oh maybe me and Gee will quickly get married and hide the shame? Should I get an abortion (but that will be a sin as if fornication isn't one) ... Ewo!! My life is ruined!!!

Ladies...Share the genesis of your life changing experience, we would love to hear your interesting stories